Saturday, January 30, 2010

From an Alternate Universe

Republicans have spent the last year on a message that seems to contradict itself. They're saying:

1) Obama is pathetic because he can't make good on any of his campaign promises, and

2) In following through with his campaign promises, Obama is turning this country into a socialist dictatorship.

Thanks to Jon Stewart of "The Daily Show" for pointing out some more hypocrisy, but he left out one crucial detail:  Somehow, the public is eating it all up. 

The President's popularity has dipped substantially. In fact, he holds the dubious distinction of being the only African American president in history with an approval rating below 50 percent, all because he has NOT enacted drastic reforms in health care, gays in the military, and the War on Terror like he said he would.

Personally, I'd say if the man can straddle a worm hole in space and exist in two universes at the same time, one in which he is wildly successful and another in which he is a colossal failure, that's quite impressive, particularly after only one year. Give him his props.

At any rate, the GOP is feeling its oats.

(I don't even know where the expression "feeling your oats" comes from. Probably best not to think about it.)

Example: Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska (think Sarah Palin with wrinkles) has introduced a bill to strip the Environmental Protection Agency of its authority to protect the atmosphere.

Last time I checked, the EPA is supposed to protect the environment, and the atmosphere is, in most places, part of the environment. But in Murkowski's world, recklessly spewing a bunch of toxic waste and greenhouse gases into the air doesn't count.

Makes sense, I suppose. If the Earth heats up, people in Alaska are least likely to find that objectionable.

Curiously, the new manacles on the EPA would not apply to automobiles. Her amendment specifically allows the EPA to keep its rusty, barely adequate catalytic converter on your exhaust system, but factories and power plants would be free to emit nasty filth unchecked, much like the standard cable TV news pundit.

I'll give you two guesses as to which industry lobbyists have been nicer to Senator Senator Murkowski. Hint: It's not the beleaguered auto makers.  It's probably the same ones who favored her father, the man who occupied the same senate seat before her, and fought environmental reforms and conservation efforts for his whole career so the energy industry could have its way with Mother Nature.

It's not as if Murkowski is a global warming denier. Her website says it is "a real threat that must be addressed."

Maybe she's the one living in two universes at once.

Or perhaps she is the criminal mastermind of an evil, multi-national psychotic organization bent on destruction of the human race.

Either way, she must be stopped.

I urge you to write to our congressional delegation: Senators Olympia "Still There" Snowe and Susan "Helium Voice" Collins, along with Representatives Mike "Flannel Got Me Elected" Michaud and Chellie "Insert Amusing Nickname Here" Pingree.  

Tell them two things: a) Despite the maelstrom of corporate lobbyists and special interest money surrounding our elected officials, you are still naive enough to believe an intelligent, well-reasoned letter from a concerned citizen can be heard in Washington, and b) Lisa Murkowski is a big fat poopy head who only made it to the Senate because her daddy appointed her while he was governor.

If there's any way you can get it postmarked from "the other side of the worm hole," that would be a bonus.

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