Friday, April 18, 2008

Haven't We Been Over This Before?

The Christian Civic League of Maine is pursuing another anti-gay referendumb. Apparently they think if we vote every year on the same issue, eventually we'll get sick of it and give them what they want.

Before I continue, I should acknowledge that the Christian Civic League does not necessarily represent the views of all Christians, just as the National Organization for Women doesn't represent the views of all women, and people who wear Yankees caps don't represent those who know anything about baseball.

So what I'm about to say is not an attack on Christians or Christianity in general; it's merely an attempt to apply the soothing antibacterial cream of logic to a festering wound of utter foolishness.

From what I've been able to gather, people who oppose gay rights do so on one of two principles.

First, they consider homosexuality a sin. I'm not interested in disputing that, but I wonder why we don't take away the rights of other so-called sinners.

Why are adulterers allowed to get (re)married and have children?

If protecting the sanctity of marriage is the goal, where is the referendum that would prohibit people from getting divorced more than two times?

Should we let gluttons own property? Maybe we should deny slothful people the right to drive cars, or charge extra taxes to those who work on Sundays.

And people who do not honor their fathers and mothers should be executed without trial.

None of these things will ever happen, so clearly people's sinful behavior is not actually enough of a reason to deny them the same rights the rest of us pure folk enjoy.

Which brings me to the second basis I've discovered for anti-gay sentiment: it grosses people out.

Many of us simply have a unpleasant visceral reaction to the idea of homosexual behavior. It makes our skin crawl.

I can totally sympathize. I have the same feelings about obese people.

If I were in charge of this great country of ours, it would be illegal for people who weigh more than 325 pounds to engage in sexual activity of any sort.

As soon as we stop fat people from having sex, I won't have to think about it any more.

Are you grossed out by the idea of your parents having sex? Does the very mention of it make your face contort as if you'd just licked a lemon? No problem! Just remove any guarantee of equal housing or employment opportunities, then watch how fast they turn celibate.

Several people have told me homosexuality is wrong because it's unnatural – sex is meant to lead to reproduction, and homosexual acts do not lead to reproduction.

I could use up the rest of my space here listing off all the heterosexual behaviors that do not lead to reproduction, but I don't think it would be fit for a family-oriented newspaper.

But I can say that if we took rights away from people who engage in those behaviors, the only person left who would be able to do anything would be Barbara Bush, or perhaps Martha Stewart.

So there you have it. There is no logical, legal basis for denying people rights based on who or how they like to copulate.

If I missed one, email me at, and I'd be happy to share your insights next week.

No comments: