Friday, October 19, 2007

Okay, You Two... Out of the Car

I’m probably not the first person to make this point; even so, it bears repeating, with all the recent media hooplah surrounding the situation at that middle school in Portland.

Abstinence-only education works.

Why? Because the only 100% effective way to prevent yourself from getting injured in an auto accident is to avoid cars altogether.

That, my friends, is an indisputable fact.

For far too long the political elite have ignored the public health costs and the lives ruined by automobile accidents.

They claim seat belts and air bags reduce the risk of injury or death dramatically, but in my eyes, these devices only dupe people into thinking driving can be “safe,” thus encouraging them to ride around in cars.

Driver education? The last thing we should do is provide more people with information about cars, traffic laws, and “safe” driving.

As anyone who has worked with young people knows, the best way to make them subversively curious and willing to experiment with something is to drown them with information about it ahead of time.

So I’ll be lobbying our legislature to outlaw seat belts and driver education programs, and to increase funding in school districts that pledge to only use anti-vehicle curricula.

I can hear you liberal namby-pambies huffing and puffing about how there are so many cars hanging around (“the equipment is readily available,” as they say) that people will try to use them, whether you teach “safe” practices or not.

This same misguided argument comes up when hippie beatnik losers want to give our kids contraceptives and educate them about sex. They point to recent studies described in The Economist (Sept. 22) and in USA Today (July 30) proving abstinence-only sex education programs were useless in preventing teen pregnancy.

Meanwhile, other studies have repeatedly shown that condoms are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy when used properly.

Bah... Who cares?

Okay, you forced it out of me. I'll admit it: this is not about getting measurable results.

The point is not to reduce teen pregnancy or car accidents. The point is to promote a certain ideology. (Promoting ideology is what the government does best, by the way.)

Having sex before marriage is ethically wrong. Therefore, regardless of the public health benefits or drawbacks, we must send the message to kids that abstinence is the only way to go.

Obviously, the best way to be sure people will make informed, responsible decisions is to brainwash them into thinking they have only one option.

Driving is also morally wrong. Period. It is morally wrong because... well… because I said so.

That is why I did not personally go to Portland to investigate this story about the school board voting to make expanded contraceptive options available to middle-schoolers.

Instead, I had to rely on media reports, the sensationalism in which seemed to envision grinning principals heaving fistfuls of condoms into crowds of lust-crazed, screaming kids, who then began to fornicate uncontrollably on the spot.

What is our world coming to? How can thoughtful, informed citizens allow this disgrace to continue?

Anyway, tune in next week, when I discuss the need to outlaw other harmful initiatives that give people a false sense of security, like football helmets, life jackets, and the use of ropes during rock-climbing.

1 comment:

Jodi Renshaw said...

I now see that I am WAY more conservative than you. But I like you anyway :)