It turns out the label on Hannaford's Butter Flavored Cooking Spray is full of lies. LIES, I tell you!
According to an article on consumeraffairs.com, the spray claims to be “fat free,” but this is only because the serving size is so small that the caloric content per serving rounds to zero.
Most of us would agree that a ¼ second spray of imitation Pam is not sufficient to lubricate mosquito coitus, much less keep your french fries from sticking to the cookie sheet.
In truth, there are 148 grams of fat in this “fat free” cooking spray; it is “100% fat,” according to the article.
I'll stop there. Really, it's just a minor issue, nothing that would indicate any intentional deception. I'm sure company officials will correct it swiftly, if they haven't already.
I only felt the need to mention it because it's the only way to poke barbs at Hannaford without being too aggressive.
I can't, for example, write very much about the fact that Hannaford did not announce its recent credit/debit card security breach until two weeks after it was discovered.
You probably didn't notice or care about the delay, unless you were one of the unfortunate souls whose card was charged in the interim for 48 minutes on 1-900-GOAT-SEX.
The media didn't pay much attention, either, because they know how their bread gets buttered. Hannaford spends gazillions of dollars on TV and print ads in Maine.
One exception, Channel 13 in Portland, apparently kept pressing the company for some answers, apparently pursuing the insane notion that the chain should endure some level of accountability. The station is now paying the price.
According to the Associated Press, Hannaford has decided to stop advertising on Channel 13 in Portland because the station's news reporting of the recent credit/debit card security breach was “too aggressive.”
It would be one thing if Channel 13 got the facts wrong, or if they were biased, or if they said something maliciously untrue (i.e. “Hannaford CEO stomps baby squirrels for fun”).
But “too aggressive?” Come on.
Just to be clear, I'm not being “aggressive” here; I'm just pointing it out as a comparison to show that the whole cooking spray fiasco is not that big of a deal. You know, in case you were all wound up about it.
At any rate, Hannaford is free to spend it's advertising dollars wherever it wants, of course, just as I am free to spend my grocery money wherever I want.
When it comes to groceries, I am fortunate to have three options where I live.
I can go to Wal-Mart, which has lower prices because it is a retail juggernaut that subsists on absurdly-negotiated tax breaks and other forms of corporate welfare.
Or I can support the Hannaford, which is based in Maine and does not sell nearly as much random crap made or harvested by child slaves.
My third option is to forage for nuts and berries in the wilderness and occasionally gnaw bark off dying cedar trees. Or, even worse, go to the local Farmer's Market.
Until recently, I was happy to shop at Hannaford for everything, from dog food (pepperoni sticks and organic garlic) to personal hygiene items (pepperoni sticks and organic garlic).
I'll probably continue to do so, but I have a feeling some soup cans are going to get turned so the label no longer faces outward.
I hope that's not too “aggressive.”
Monday, April 14, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Swipe That Grin Off Your Face!
When I tell people I used to be a telemarketer, they treat me like I'm some kind of reformed convict, perhaps an ex-child pornographer or lawyer.
“How did you live with yourself?” is a typical question I'm asked.
More sympathetic types have been known to say, “It took a lot of courage to admit your shame.”
Sometimes I hear, “you appear to have moved on, but your soul remains tainted with the putrid blackness of unmitigated corporate greed. Be gone, vile monster!”
Truth be told, I do feel a slight pang of guilt from the two months I spent trying to sell little pieces of plastic to people who would most likely use them to financially ruin themselves.
So I'd like to redeem myself a little by offering come credit advice, particularly for young people.
When I walked on campus at the University of Maine for the first time as an 18-year old, the first thing that was handed to me was a credit card application.
I wasn't sure what to put under “household income,” so I added up my income with everyone else who was living with me at the time (five roommates), plus all their parents (since they were helping out with bills).
A couple of weeks later I received a Gold Card, which I thought was a pretty big deal. I went around suavely charging things to my Gold Card, giving cashiers a sophisticated nod every time I conspicuously pulled it from my wallet.
Sometimes I would proclaim, louder than necessary, “I think I will charge this to my... Gold Card.”
I found out later that the Gold Card is actually not very prestigious. I might as well have been carrying around a Dirt Card.
I didn't know about the Platinum Card, the Platinum Plus Card, the Premium Platinum-Titanium Card with Extreme Sheen, etc.
So my first bit of advice is to not look at your credit card as a symbol of prestige. It is merely a tool for borrowing money in a manner that could potentially crush your spirit.
I've been fortunate. I still have my Gold Card, and I use it all the time. Here are some other tips on how to maintain a credit card account in good standing (“good standing” is defined as “not many people with weapons torturing your relatives in order to learn your whereabouts”):
- Be sure to get a “fixed” interest rate. A lot of credit card companies will try to lure you in with a low interest rate, such as zero percent. Then, once you've had the card for a few hours, they jack up the rate to about 45 percent. Of course, if you...
- Pay off your full balance every month, you never have to worry about interest rates. In order to do this, you may need to occasionally sell limbs. But it will be easier if you...
- Keep your credit limit low, no matter how badly the bank wants to raise it for you because you are a “valued account holder.”
This will help you control your own spending, and limit any damage that could be done if someone else got hold of your card and tried to use it to fund a war or something.
If it's too late, and you already have an unmanageable balance on your credit card, don't worry. I would be happy to help you out with a balance transfer. I can offer you an introductory 0% APR for the first six months, and then...
Noooooooooo!
“How did you live with yourself?” is a typical question I'm asked.
More sympathetic types have been known to say, “It took a lot of courage to admit your shame.”
Sometimes I hear, “you appear to have moved on, but your soul remains tainted with the putrid blackness of unmitigated corporate greed. Be gone, vile monster!”
Truth be told, I do feel a slight pang of guilt from the two months I spent trying to sell little pieces of plastic to people who would most likely use them to financially ruin themselves.
So I'd like to redeem myself a little by offering come credit advice, particularly for young people.
When I walked on campus at the University of Maine for the first time as an 18-year old, the first thing that was handed to me was a credit card application.
I wasn't sure what to put under “household income,” so I added up my income with everyone else who was living with me at the time (five roommates), plus all their parents (since they were helping out with bills).
A couple of weeks later I received a Gold Card, which I thought was a pretty big deal. I went around suavely charging things to my Gold Card, giving cashiers a sophisticated nod every time I conspicuously pulled it from my wallet.
Sometimes I would proclaim, louder than necessary, “I think I will charge this to my... Gold Card.”
I found out later that the Gold Card is actually not very prestigious. I might as well have been carrying around a Dirt Card.
I didn't know about the Platinum Card, the Platinum Plus Card, the Premium Platinum-Titanium Card with Extreme Sheen, etc.
So my first bit of advice is to not look at your credit card as a symbol of prestige. It is merely a tool for borrowing money in a manner that could potentially crush your spirit.
I've been fortunate. I still have my Gold Card, and I use it all the time. Here are some other tips on how to maintain a credit card account in good standing (“good standing” is defined as “not many people with weapons torturing your relatives in order to learn your whereabouts”):
- Be sure to get a “fixed” interest rate. A lot of credit card companies will try to lure you in with a low interest rate, such as zero percent. Then, once you've had the card for a few hours, they jack up the rate to about 45 percent. Of course, if you...
- Pay off your full balance every month, you never have to worry about interest rates. In order to do this, you may need to occasionally sell limbs. But it will be easier if you...
- Keep your credit limit low, no matter how badly the bank wants to raise it for you because you are a “valued account holder.”
This will help you control your own spending, and limit any damage that could be done if someone else got hold of your card and tried to use it to fund a war or something.
If it's too late, and you already have an unmanageable balance on your credit card, don't worry. I would be happy to help you out with a balance transfer. I can offer you an introductory 0% APR for the first six months, and then...
Noooooooooo!
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